18.9.12

Lost

Yesterday, after my last class let out (15 minutes late) I went home and I cried. Nay, I didn't just cry - I sobbed like a baby.

On Mondays, I have both my networking classes back to back and honestly, yesterday I just felt so lost. The first class (Cis131) it feels like it goes too fast, there's this horrible annoying old guy in there who constantly derails the lecture, and while I do like the teacher and he seems nice his way of teaching just is not cutting it. He basically just goes over the book - there's no hands on, there's a little bit of explanation but it doesn't feel like enough.

I learn best by doing - I can listen to a lecture all day but to really get it I need to do it or write it down. I try to take notes in Cis131 but trying to figure out what I should write down, what's actually important and what's not, I tend to fall behind where we are. It's so frustrating.

My class after that, Cis133 (Cisco 1) feels even worse. I don't have a Cisco background - I graduated high school in 2006, and the 2 years I went to college I was in the criminal justice degree. A lot of the people in my class have much more experience in computers and networking than I do, and I feel SO stupid in these classes. I look at the final projects that we'll be doing in each of these classes and I don't understand them at all. They look so overwhelming and scary and I'm so fucking terrified that I can't do this.

So yesterday I just flopped into a pillow and I cried. I asked myself, what was I thinking, why did I pick this degree. I'm 6 years out of high school and haven't been to college since 2008. I can't go back and take the basic Cisco courses they offered in high school. I felt like I was way too stupid to do this stuff.

I feel better today. The overwhelmed feeling lingers, but my brother knows all this stuff already and I know he'll help me understand it. I think if I can get the basics and actually start building networks, I'll get it. But I don't know, and it scares me.

On a happy note, I understand binary for the most part, so that's something. And I feel very at home in my Fiction Writing class.

In WoW news:
I have a raider interview with Conquest tonight and that's a whole other bundle of nerves.  I've never interviewed for a raider spot before and I'm really not sure what to expect. While I really really want and omgzhopeplox to get at least a temporary/trial spot in the raid roster, I'm not sure if I can. I have extenuating circumstances (class, picking up the Boy from work) that can make me up to 20 minutes late to their raid times twice a week. I applied anyway, and I think the interview is at least a maybe. Hopefully I can be what their looking for, even if it's a bench spot. I have a warm butt and everyone likes a warm seat, right?

UPDATE: I was accepted as a trial! WOOT!
 So now I have to be REALLY AWESOME.

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