Yesterday, after my last class let out (15 minutes late) I went home and I cried. Nay, I didn't just cry - I sobbed like a baby.

On Mondays, I have both my networking classes back to back and honestly, yesterday I just felt so lost. The first class (Cis131) it feels like it goes too fast, there's this horrible annoying old guy in there who constantly derails the lecture, and while I do like the teacher and he seems nice his way of teaching just is not cutting it. He basically just goes over the book - there's no hands on, there's a little bit of explanation but it doesn't feel like enough.

I learn best by doing - I can listen to a lecture all day but to really get it I need to do it or write it down. I try to take notes in Cis131 but trying to figure out what I should write down, what's actually important and what's not, I tend to fall behind where we are. It's so frustrating.

My class after that, Cis133 (Cisco 1) feels even worse. I don't have a Cisco background - I graduated high school in 2006, and the 2 years I went to college I was in the criminal justice degree. A lot of the people in my class have much more experience in computers and networking than I do, and I feel SO stupid in these classes. I look at the final projects that we'll be doing in each of these classes and I don't understand them at all. They look so overwhelming and scary and I'm so fucking terrified that I can't do this.

So yesterday I just flopped into a pillow and I cried. I asked myself, what was I thinking, why did I pick this degree. I'm 6 years out of high school and haven't been to college since 2008. I can't go back and take the basic Cisco courses they offered in high school. I felt like I was way too stupid to do this stuff.

I feel better today. The overwhelmed feeling lingers, but my brother knows all this stuff already and I know he'll help me understand it. I think if I can get the basics and actually start building networks, I'll get it. But I don't know, and it scares me.

On a happy note, I understand binary for the most part, so that's something. And I feel very at home in my Fiction Writing class.

In WoW news:
I have a raider interview with Conquest tonight and that's a whole other bundle of nerves.  I've never interviewed for a raider spot before and I'm really not sure what to expect. While I really really want and omgzhopeplox to get at least a temporary/trial spot in the raid roster, I'm not sure if I can. I have extenuating circumstances (class, picking up the Boy from work) that can make me up to 20 minutes late to their raid times twice a week. I applied anyway, and I think the interview is at least a maybe. Hopefully I can be what their looking for, even if it's a bench spot. I have a warm butt and everyone likes a warm seat, right?

UPDATE: I was accepted as a trial! WOOT!
 So now I have to be REALLY AWESOME.


Totally Still Alive

This thing died like...over a year ago. It's got old man smell, cobwebs and mothballs rolling around. I hung air fresheners. They didn't work.

So, hi. I'm back, for now at least. We'll see how long I last this time. Hopefully my posts might be a little more interesting to read this time around.

I think I'm going to use this little musty corner of the internet as my own little personal diary - that's totally public. Makes sense, right? You see, I just started going back to college after a four year break. Is break the right word here? Hiatus? "I didn't feel like going to school so I totally stopped going" doesn't have a nice ring to it.

Part of that was my own fault - I was in a major I despised - Criminal Justice. Oh my GOD that was the worst thing I could have picked. It's ALL LAW CLASSES. I was bored out of my mind! And I had morning classes. I am not a morning person, especially not for school. Work, I can make do. At work, I usually have an hour or more to wake up without really being bothered too much. Trying to listen to a professor drone on about laws and whatnot at eight in the morning just killed me. I never fell asleep in class, but I definitely tuned everything out. I was zombified in these classes.

This time, I want to do it right. I don't want to work in an entry level retail job for the rest of my life. I want a job I actually enjoy doing, in a field I like. I picked computer networking. My degree has some long name that I don't remember. I might look it up at some point. At any rate, I'm fucking terrified.

After being in classes for about a week now (we started on the 5th), I've realized I don't know jack shit about networking. I don't know how to take apart and put together a computer. I didn't take Cisco courses in high school. I don't know binary, I don't know the cables, I don't know ANYTHING. And that scares the hell out of me.

I'm taking two Cisco courses right now - Introduction to Networking (which I often feel kind of lost in, but I did well on the first quiz) and Networking Fundamentals. The latter is a hybrid course that meets once a week but takes place mostly online. There's a lot of reading.

I'm scared but I'm hopeful. I want to do well, I want to impress my teachers, my mom, and myself. I think I can do this. I'm just scared I won't be able to.

On a more positive note, I'm also taking Fiction Writing as an elective and I'm totally going to ace that class. The teacher is nice and I have an inflated ego about my writing. I'm sure half way through the semester I'll write something I think is great, then end up ranting on here in tears cause it was actually awful. Stay tuned for that!

Oh and Keyboarding is seriously the most frustrating class I have ever attended.

And in WoW news:
I've recently changed servers to join Conquest on Ner'zhul US. This is another scary change for me - I don't really know anyone particularly well and I want so badly to make a good impression. The problem is, I'm not outgoing in the slightest. I don't start conversations in Mumble. I do better with text - guild chat and especially forums. We'll see how I end up fitting in here, but so far I do like everyone I've come across. They seem like a friendly bunch.

'Cept that Matticus guy. Gotta watch out for him. Shifty bloke.

Shit I need to know:

Network = communication between machines
Elements of communication:
- Language
- Sender
- Receiver
- Message
- Medium
- Security (optional)
- Error Correction (optional)
1 byte = 8 bits

Vocab word of the day:
Transmission Control Protocol/Internet Protocol (TCP/IP)
- used by all computers to use the internet - public networking model. No company owns it, it is managed by the Internet Engineering Task Force (IETF)
- TCP: protocol known for error recovery. Adds a header to data containing a sequence number (packets). If receiving computer is missing a packet, it replies with an acknowledgement number - the sending computer resends data started from the missing packet.
- IP: used for logical addressing and routing (end to end routing)

Haha, retyping class notes!